


The One with Snowy's Pregame Eyeliner Ritual

by thescottishwrite



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Eyeliner, M/M, Pregame rituals, Unlimited International Calling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 14:54:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9128914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescottishwrite/pseuds/thescottishwrite
Summary: This was orignially created as a tumblr post, but it then grew from a quick text post into a 1300+ word drabble, and my sister insisted I post it here.





	

The One with Snowy's Pregame Eyeliner Ritual

Okay so hockey is like, rife with superstitions and ritual. 

Each player has their own pre-game rituals, which are honestly on par with religious sacraments.  You _do not fuck_ with a man’s pre-game ritual.  Also, the inability to practice one’s pre-game ritual is deeply emotionally destabilizing.  Like, we’re talking serious repercussions here.  If a player is unable to complete their sacred ritual, there will be hell to pay.

Just as famous as Crosby’s famous pre-game plate of spaghetti, or Jack Zimmerman’s pre-game PB&J, is Snowy’s pre-game application of eyeliner.  It is not only essential to his game play; it is essential to the current alignment of our space-time continuum. 

Which brings us to Snowy, currently in the throes of an emotional breakdown, in seat 15C on the Falc’s bus, clutching desperately to his last remaining tube of _La Nuit, Nior de Nior_ eyeliner as though it were the cooling body of his only son.

The Falcs are currently on their way to Toronto to face the Maple Leafs, and Snowy has just made the devastating realization that HIS BRAND of eyeliner has been DISCONTINUED.

Marty: can’t you just… get a different brand?

Snowy:  _*horrified gasp*_

He was going to buy some online from Sephora (sHuT uP THIRDY, they are the BEST!) when he realized that his preferred brand was no longer available.  Naturally, with all the chill that could be expected in such a situation, he immediately called Sephora directly.  There, he is faced with the awful reality that his beloved brand of eyeliner has been tragically ~~murdered~~ discontinued.  He has only one tube remaining, and 64 regular season games looming on the horizon.  One tube of eyeliner Is. Not. Sufficient.

 

And so, with the overwhelming realization that his eyeliner is living on borrowed time, Snowy loses His Shit.™

 

Cue Jack “Alternate Captain” Zimmerman preparing to come to the rescue.  He immediately sets off to research

1) The company that makes Snowy’s brand of eyeliner

2) The stores that carry Snowy’s brand of eyeliner

3) Whether or not any of those stores still have remaining stock of said eyeliner

4) Do those stores have overnight delivery options

 

(Jack conducts his research in the business center of the hotel where the team is staying because he is an actual dad and a huGE DORK)

 

Jack discovers that Snowy’s brand of eyeliner is, in fact, still being manufactured, but they have stopped shipping to the US and Canada (as well as some parts of South America) because the company is facing some serious financial problems and significantly cutting back in order to cut costs and focus on a more sustainable business plan.  Now, instead of being a global company, they are a relatively small business based in northern Italy.  (That’s where the majority of their business actually came from, and if you ask their CFO, their overhead has significantly decreased, and they have hopes for once again expanding to global distribution in the indefinite future, but that doesn’t help Snowy now, does it?)

 

Anyway, Jack finds out that the product hasn’t actually been _discontinued,_ it’s just nowhere near as readily available. 

 

Enter 110% Jack Zimmermann. 

 

After determining that the company is based in Milan, Jack is able to secure the number of the _secretary_ to the _office_ of the _CEO._ (This boy was a history major, do not TELL ME he does not have MAD research skills, oh my god.)  So Jack obviously accounts for the six-hour time difference, and he intends to call the office at 8:12am exactly. (Not early enough for no one to be in the office, but not late enough for them to be distracted by some other task and let the call go to The Voicemail Void™.)   Of course, this means that Jack has to call at 5:12am Montreal time.  He sets an alarm on his phone so he’ll wake up. 

 

So Jack calls the secretary (her name is Marta) and explains his situation.  He has a friend that can no longer purchase your eyeliner as it is unavailable in the US and Canada… is there any way to purchase the product from Italy and have it shipped overseas?

 

Marta:  Well, sir, it would be possible to make a one-time purchase if you are willing to pay for overs-

Jack: I am.

Marta: … well, then, yes.  I will transfer you to our sales department where you can complete your purchase.

Jack:  Thank you.

Phone:  *hold music*

 

Sales Rep:  So let me get this straight, you want to set up a recurring order for this… eyeliner?

Jack: Correct.

Sales Rep:  To be honest, sir, we don’t really have a protocol for that kind of request, let me refer you to my supervisor.

Phone: *hold music*

 

Supervisor: So let me get this straight, you want to set up a recurring order for… eyeliner?

Jack: Correct.

Supervisor:  Well, sir, we don’t really have a way to set up a recurring order, as our products are subject to change or discontinuation at a fairly regular basis.

Jack: So the eyeliner could potentially be discontinued?

Supervisor: We have no immediate plans to discontinue the product, but hypothetically, if sales are not where we need them to be, we could consider discontinuation, yes.

Jack: How long will the eyeliner last if I order more than one at a time?  Do they have… an… expiration date?

Supervisor:  As long as they are stored within the recommended guidelines and remain unopened until you intend to use them… they should remain in working condition.  Now once they have been opened, they will not last more than a year… but until you open them… no, they won’t expire.

Jack: Excellent.  How many do you have available for purchase today?

Supervisor:  Well how many do you need?

Jack: How many do you have available?

Supervisor:  I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t think I understand.  We have approximately 350 tubes in our overstock warehouse, and we produce an additional 500 a day for national distribution…

Jack:  How long would 350 tubes last?  Hypothetically?

Supervisor:  Well, sir, we approximate that one tube lasts around 3 months.

Jack:  Will you hold on one moment, please?

Supervisor: Of course…

Jack: *muttering indistinctly* _now if I just round that up…_

Jack: I would like to place an order for 200 tubes.  Will that be possible?

Supervisor: O-of of course, sir!  Right away.  Now let me just take down your information…

 

_The next morning, during Jack’s pregame phone call to Bitty:_

Bitty: you dID WHAT!?!?!?!

Jack: … he was worried about running out.

 

 

_Seven to twelve business days later:_

Snowy has been complaining loudly and increasingly mournfully about his dwindling supply of _La Nuit._ Jack pulls Snowy aside after practice.

 

Jack: Hey man, there’s something for you in your locker.  It got delivered this morning.  Hope you like it!

Snowy:  Wait, really?

Jack: Yeah man, go check it out.

Tater: Why you not buy me present, Zimboni?

 

Snowy’s triumphant scream can be heard throughout the entirety of the rink.

 

Marty:  What the fuck did you get him, kid?

Jack: Oh, just some more eyeliner.

Marty: I thought it was discontinued… isn’t that why he was freaking out all week?  He was losing part of his ritual?

Jack:  Yeah, I found out it was only discontinued in the US and Canada… and a few other places, you know.

Marty: …

Jack:  The company still makes it; they just don’t distribute in North America anymore.

Marty: …

Jack:  So I called the manufacturer to see if they could just send him like a subscription or something.

Marty: …

Jack: But apparently they don’t do that so I just ordered him a bunch of them at once.  Apparently eyeliner doesn’t expire if you don’t open it.

Marty: …

Jack:  Anyway I got him 200.  I hope that’s enough.  The guy on the phone said it would be, but…

Marty: Holy shit, kid.

Tater: Why you not love me like that, Zimboni?

 

 

 

 

You can find the original post here: [It's on my tumblr!](http://thescottishwrite.tumblr.com/post/155194767735/okay-so-hockey-is-like-rife-with-superstitions)


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